Storms

Last night I spent much of the evening balancing out my checkbook, figuring out where the bulk of my expenses went, calculated if I had come out even in my budget and all other not-so-fun things when the economy is down.

However, I set myself up well. Mostly.

I finished college with a small amount in my savings account, it wasn't much and wouldn't support me for too long, but it was something that I could put away for Italy, grad school, my kids. I then received more than double that amount in graduation gifts. And since I've been living at home and working as often as able (and scheduled), I've been able to save most of it. 

From the beginning of signing on with Avant to start churches in Turin, where Jesus is desparately needed, I decided to pay my own way through support raising (paying for flights, materials, handouts, etc.). These costs are necessarily to raise the support needed to get to Turin and bring the gospel of Jesus Christ to this city that has so much, but in the end, has nothing without Jesus. Many missionaries like me, before arriving in country use their incoming support to raise additional support, as this is a ministry both now and for later. 

But, as many people are already skeptical about what I'm doing, I decided to forego the explanation of why this support raising is a valid ministry and pay for all the costs myself. Making less than I hoped, my total income since I graduated was almost exactly what I've spent on the initial steps on getting to Italy, in that way, I broke even. God has provided the funds needed through working at Barnes and Noble to pay for all the costs of support raising.

And then there was gas. And Christmas. And so, my bank account is lower than it was in May.

This morning I went to West Pines Community Church and heard a great message delivered by Pastor Robey Barnes. The passage he spoke from was Matt 14:22-33, where Jesus walks on water. This was the final message on the series about storms in our lives. 

That historic day, after feeding 5,000 men (plus women and children) with five loaves and two fish, Jesus sends the disciples off on the Sea of Galilee and goes up on a mountain to spend time with His Father. Afterwards, He starts catching up with the boat by walking on water. Mind you, there's strong wind driving the boat and it's sometime between 3 and 6 in the morning. The disciples see a figure on the water, and never having heard of or seeing anything like this in all their lives, they think it's a ghost. Jesus says, "Take heart; it is I. Don't be afraid." And Peter asks Jesus if it's really Him, to command Him to come out. And Peter joins Jesus on the water, walking toward Him.

We aren't given the specifics of what happened. Did the water become solid? Did they hover over the water? Did they splash or even get wet? But we do know one thing: when Peter saw the wind, he got scared and began to sink.

It was never about the water. The water wasn't  holding him up. The water was just water. It has no power in itself to hold standing people up. 

And it's not about faith, either. Many movies talk about just having faith and things will happen. There is no good universe that wants good things to come to you. Faith, by itself, changes nothing. And faith in something with no real power (a false god, the orbit of the stars, the universe, yourself), cannot make water hold a standing man up.

It is, has always been and always will be about Jesus. 

Jesus held Peter up in the water. It is in Him that all things hold together (Col 1:17)... even in the molecular level. He can cause the chemical properties of water to turn to those of wine (John 4), command water to hold Himself and Peter up, He moves atoms to walk through what we call solid (John 20:26).

By the looks of everything, Peter depended on the water to hold him up. He was not hanging onto Jesus. In fact, when he got out of the boat, he was not even near Jesus. But He had to step onto the water and with each step trust that the water was going to hold him. But all along it was Jesus holding Him up.

By the looks of everything, it's our finances that feed us, clothe us, and make sure we are provided for with good health and entertainment. 

Jesus said (Matthew 6:25-33), 

That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life - whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? (Note: these are the same words He said to Peter.)

So don't worry about these things, saying, 'What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear? These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously and he will give you everything you need.

I've thankfully come out even so far and hope to continue. I'm a penny pincher and proud to be so. But as I look at the whole of my life savings and realize that I am asking people to support me in this ministry or showing others how wonderful our God is who provides for all our needs, physical, emotional, eternal, I realize my finances are out of my control. I am slowly falling short of where I need to be. 19 weeks and I need to be in Italy for my team, for Torino. But I know that God will supply all my needs. And if this is indeed wht He has called me to, He will provide (1 Thess 5:24).

How will you wait out this storm? Waiting in the boat for something to change your life that is actually waiting for you, standing in the water? Will you set out in faith in the wrong thing and sink? Will you worry about things that you have no control of?

Or will you trust God and look to Him, seeking His kingdom above all else and watch life fall into place more beautifully than you could have planned for?